It now sits at the bottom left half of the fence, neatly disguised by a young bamboo bush. I'll tell you now it's got one hell of an appetite. Following the sacred compost mantra: Air Water Food Warmth, I have been throwing in kitchen scraps, loo rolls, twigs, tea bags, some young weeds, hedge trimmings, newspaper shreddings...And yes, that hallowed liquid known as piss. Actually it's so good it's become pi$$, on account of how it's going to speed up the Ed special brand of compost and save me money. Just don't tell David, he's mortified at the prospect of anyone unfurling their python and adding a natural, free dash of golden nectar to the composting process.
I shall keep you informed on my progress. At the moment things are looking and smelling good! C'wor what a fucking stink! Ey! I just thought of a perfect strapline! MAKING MATTER, MATTER!