Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Fat Pigeons, Hedgehogs and Howard from Take That

As you can see, the likeness is truly remarkable.

Parsley : 'Haha! You look like Howard from Take That in your crap blue jeans!'
Oregano : 'Shut up, Gary.'
Parsley : 'Have you not got a belt for those jeans Howard? Your arse is hanging out.'
Oregano : 'I'm gonna take a running kick at your faff in a minute.'
Parsley : 'Sing a Take That song, Howard - COULD IT BE MAGIC NOW! Hang on, stop saying faff please.'

So started another day of allotment hilarity. We went down with a wheelbarrow load of glyphosate, carpet from Thinktank, petrol strimmer, boots, minging sandwiches (mine at least - consider the combination of processed honey roast ham and peanut butter....on cold toast), secateurs, water and bin bags. We were all set for a long day's work.

Ate lunch and talked for about an hour in the sun, on our kudos Pavilion (refer to Allotment Toimes for a photo). Thereafter Kate picked blackberries from our burgeoning little jungle. I bagged up yet more bottles from an overgrown crate next to wasp central. Once it was emptied, I moved the crate to the back fence where it became our fourth composting bin. Hacking back at the tangle of snakes (not Pythons) that was nettle, bramble and weed, I moved about three / four barrow loads to be composted. As the plot is
still thickly overgrown, I was traversing ankle - breaker holes and paving slabs. Muchas gracias to Jake aka Snakeob for uncovering a few of the paths that were laid down by Ian the wraith.

Work was very gradual. However the banter was thick and fast - I'd say 70% Take That reference, 15% inadequate belt and jeans complaints, 10% mockery of my accent 3% apple theft references and 2% Dr Dolittle, as will shortly be explained.

Amidst the verbal warfare we had battles of another kind. Cats perpetually chasing frogs in the dense undergrowth, Gigasmethwick playing basketball with tin foil, blunt machete chops and a dying hedgehog. We were just starting on the glyco treatment when Kate found Terry (as she named him) Sonic, as I less imaginatively added, hobbling about near the water tap. Poor sod, he was suffering in the heat, and looked like he was going to die. I was enraged when I saw two Blow Flies laying eggs right on his eyelid. Mother nature is a cruel bitch sometimes.

We got him some water but he barely touched it. Kate picked him up and carried him over to the shade at the back of the plot, around the compost bins. We found some slugs for him to eat : at first he barely even touched them. His breathing was stertorous, as he limped along or just slumped on the ground. I picked off the eggs with a combination of twigs and shoots, they were really impacted around his eye, it was gutting. However when his claw extended and he pulled that slug into his skanky little chops and chewed away, it was something else. Procured some water and let him get on his way. Good luck little buddy!

I neglect to mention Snakeob had brought some beers and red wine, which went everywhere as my Pythons went to work on the cork...with a fork. I'm a poet, and boy don't I show it. Kate and I stayed a little while longer, as it grew cold. Talk of the ancients. Had a proper belly laugh when a fat pigeon flew into a tree just behind us and immediately snapped the branch it landed on, flying in the opposite direction as if to say 'Yeah, well I meant to do that! Haha!' A bit like falling over then making it look like you're tying your shoelaces. Pigeons are dorks.

Watch this space for more Parsley and Howard...I mean Parsley and Oregano adventures!

oooooh GLYCO!

1 comment:

  1. Howard / Oregano : 'we've come so far and we've reached so high
    and we've looked each day and night in the eye
    and were still so young and we hope for more
    we've come a long way
    but were not to sure where we've been
    we've had sucess
    we've had good times
    but remember this.......'
    Parsley : 'grow up'